8/12/2014

Published on 8/12/2014 Written by 4 comments

So my players fought a vagina...

So more Splatter-Elf happened on Splatterday night. Despite me being (at least in my opinion) woefully unprepared, I think we had a pretty good night.

There was significantly less combat than previous games, and probably not enough for good play-testing purposes, but the players seemed to just want to talk their way out of everything. Usually after picking fights with stuff way out of their league than backpedaling when they realized they were fucked.

Truthfully, maybe I shouldn't have let them befriend the troll AFTER they paralyzed and urinated on him, and certainly shouldn't have let them buy their freedom with half a coil of rope, a rusty dagger and a burnt-out torch, but the troll was given the promise of great riches and heaps of treasure, which is all he really wanted anyway. He was a smart enough troll to know that a troll's life span is decidedly shorter when pressed by a gang of dedicated adventurers. And true to their word, the players did return and pay off the troll after they dealt with a giant vagina pit monster.

Not as sexy as you would have imagined.
Long-time readers will know that this is actually the second time a vagina has appeared on Rule of the Dice. In John's case it was entirely accidental, but I can't feign ignorance; I knew damn well what I was doing.

My version of the Sarlacc Pit is the Sandimangina, a Splatter-Elf original which is basically carnivorous lady parts in the ground, but when it consumes a hapless victim and sucks out their blood and internal organs, the pit spits the poor bastard back out as a sort of sand-filled ghoul. Kinda like a scarecrow stuffed with dirt that only exists to find more victims to lure back to their unholy "mother."

Oh, and the thing is covered with giant crab lice that the ghouls would use as ammunition in their slings to fling at the players, which would then latch onto their victims and start sucking their blood.

One of the players had the quote of the night when he said, quite earnestly, after pulling a giant crab louse off his face and getting stuck in the pit up to his waist (losing his boots in the process):

"Does Splatter-Elf have any free clinics?"

That's just how we roll in Groteskia. The squeamish need not apply.

4 comments:

  1. "carnivorous lady parts in the ground, but when it consumes a hapless victim and sucks out their blood and internal organs, the pit spits the poor bastard back out as a sort of sand-filled ghoul. Kinda like a scarecrow stuffed with dirt that only exists to find more victims to lure back to their unholy 'mother'."

    Wow, that's an awesome sounding monster! Would you let me do some kind of write-up for that in a new tabletop fantasy RPG magazine I'm putting together? You'd get credit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Absolutely! I have a short write-up and stats (for Splatter-Elf) but feel free to expand or adapt it.

    Actually, I just remembered it doesn't have "stats." It's just a hole in the ground. It relies on it's ghouls for combat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sweet, thanks! Hey, if we aren't already acquaintances on G+, you should add me and I'll do the same. I'm loving your blog. It's footloose and fancy free! You might like mine.

      Delete
    2. I did (you actually added me first earlier today) and I did (check out your blog - great stuff, I will be sure to follow!)

      Delete

Thanks for commenting at Rule of the Dice.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...