5/02/2014

Published on 5/02/2014 Written by 0 comments

Splatter-Elf Week Day 5: Odds, Ends & Uffs

Welcome back to the Splat! Do you like Grimdark fantasy? Do you like Grimmer than Grimdark fantasy? Do you like buckets and buckets of blood in your role-playing games? How about murderous sociopaths, violent midgets and garbage-dwelling dwarves? Because we've got those, too! In spades!

For more about Splatter-Elf: The RPG, check out Day 1 (Intro), Day 2 (Character Creation), Day 3 (Combat) and Day 4 (Magic). And don't forget to check out the man who started it all, Philip Overby over at Fantasy-Free-For-All.

Weapons and Armor

I didn’t mention weapons and armor on day 3 because the post was long enough, but of course arms are going to be an important part of any fantasy RPG, especially one where the goal is to spill as much blood as humanly (or inhumanly) possible.



Small weapons are short, one handed weapons. They can even be used one-handed by small characters such as uffs. Examples: Short sword, hand axe, kukri.

Medium weapons are long weapons that can be used one-handed by man-sized characters. Smaller characters such as uffs must use two hands to wield these arms (dwarves are large enough to wield them one-handed). Examples: Long sword, battle axe, mace, short spear.
                                                                                                                             
Large weapons are very long and/or heavy weapons that even a man-sized creature must use two hands to wield. Uffs and dwarves may not use these weapons at all due to their short arms. Examples: Claymore, hafted war-axe, maul, no-daichi.

Tiny weapons are very short and light weapons that can easily be wielded one handed, and are often small enough to be concealed on the body. Examples: Daggers, clubs, brass knuckles.

A bastard sword is slightly longer than a long sword, but has a significantly longer handle. It can be used one handed and does damage as a long sword (+4) or it can be used two-handed for greater damage (+6). A katana uses the same stats as a bastard sword.

Long spears and polearms have long hafts and can be used to attack from the second rank (ie, from behind another character). It can also be set to receive a charge.

Staves require two hands to wield effectively, but are one of the few weapons blood mages can hold and still cast spells.

Whips are ineffective against targets with a DR rating greater than 1, however it can be used for melee attacks up to 10' away, and may be used to trip an opponent. They’re also handy for kinky stuff in the bedroom.



Light crossbows ignore 1 point of DR and require a move action to reload.

Heavy crossbows ignore 2 points of DR and require a full round to reload.

Flintlock pistols can fire once before requiring 6 rounds to reload (minus Dexterity modifier). They ignore 2 points of damage reduction but ranged attack penalties for distance are doubled.

An arquebus is a long barrelled firearm that requires 8 rounds to reload (minus Dexterity modifier). It ignores 3 points of damage reduction but ranged attack penalties for distance are doubled.



Suits of armor cover at least the chest, arms and upper legs of the wearer, and usually include a matching helmet. They reduce the damage inflicted upon the wearer by lessening or deflecting potentially deadly blows.

Shields do not provide damage reduction but instead are designed to deflect the blows altogether, and thus provide a bonus to Armor Class instead.

Carrying Stuff

Weapons, armor and gear are heavy. Carrying a lot of shit is going to slow you down. Instead of fiddling with exact weights in pounds or kilos, items are instead rated by how many points of encumbrance they impart on a character. Certain items are heavy but designed to be worn (such as armor) while other items aren’t that heavy but are very awkward to carry (such as long spears).

A character may carry up to twice their Strength score in encumbrance points without penalty.

If a character carries more than twice their Strength score, but less than three times their score, they are considered encumbered and suffer a -5’ (1 square) penalty to their movement rate and a -1 penalty to Calisthenics and Skullduggery skills.

If a character carries more than three times their Strength score, but less than four times their score, they are considered severely encumbered and suffer a -10’ (2 square) penalty to their movement rate and a -2 penalty to Calisthenics and Skullduggery skills.

A character can lift more than 4 times their Strength score, but cannot carry it. A character lifting more than 4 times their Strength score must make a successful Mettle skill roll every round or be forced to put the load down and rest.

Example:  A cutthroat with a Strength of 7 and a movement rate of 30’ may carry up to 14 points of gear without penalty. If he carries between 15-21 points, his movement will be slowed to 25’. If he carries between 22 and 28 points, his movement will be slowed to 20’. He cannot reasonably carry more than 28 points of encumbrance.

Character Class: Detritus Dwarves

Detritus Dwarves - also called skrat dawi in Dwarfish, and derogatorily labelled "Dump Dwarves" by other races - are a breed of filthy, grotesque and misshapen dwarves from the land of Dump in the North Western corner of Groteskia.  Though they are dearly attached to their homeland, detritus dwarves are highly adaptable and can live just about anywhere, and thus can be found across the continent.

While most dwarves prefer to live underground and mine precious metals and gems, detritus dwarves have evolved slightly differently than their dour, humourless brethren.  While normal dwarves love to find treasure buried deep in the earth, dump dwarves find treasure and value in the waste discarded by other races and cultures.  They prize the filth and refuse that others throw away. 

Detritus dwarves build their homes, strongholds and temples out of - quite literally - piles of garbage.  They prefer to lair near large, prosperous cities, which tend to be the sites that generate the most waste.  The tunnel through the filth, build walls out of trash and wallow happily like pigs in shit. 

While most dwarves are great artisans and craftspeople, detritus dwarves are resourceful scavengers without peer.  They can build useful tools out of anything and fix nearly any device or object.  Detritus dwarves tend to travel with huge sacks and bags filled with garbage, and they never throw anything away, including food waste, bones, stained clothing, broken pottery, rusted weapons, bloody bandages, dead pets, horse manure, maggot-infested seafood, the contents of spittoons, cold camp fire embers, toenail clippings, scabs and virtually anything else you can think of.  They are hoarders beyond compare, and believe anything can be built if you have enough time and trash.

Detritus dwarves are incredibly resilient and have the most hit points and highest defences of any class. Their attack bonuses are also good and they can use most weapons and any armor. They are highly distrustful of the arcane and will generally avoid it, though they are more likely to embrace magic that has flashy, weird and interesting effects than those with inherent or static powers (ie, they will choose a weapon that explodes in their hand over a shield +1 any day).

Attribute Modifiers: Constitution +1
Movement Rate: 25’ (5 squares)
Weapons Allowed: Any, except they may not use large-sized weapons (except firearms and crossbows) due to their malformed, stunted arms . They may use medium-sized weapons normally with one-hand. They often wield jury-rigged, homemade weapons and are quite fond of firearms.
Armor Allowed: Any
Skills Allowed at First Level: Mettle (CON), Tinker (DEX), History (INT), Acuity (WIS)
Skill Bonuses: Mettle or Tinker +1 (choose one)

Weapon-Making: Given a moment and anything handy, a detritus dwarf can turn any kind of loose debris or normal item at hand into a crude but deadly weapon. By making a successful Tinker skill check, the dwarf can turn just about any item into a standard medium-sized weapon (4 damage) that attacks with a +1 bonus. Anyone else using the weapon treats it as an improvised weapon (2 damage and no attack bonus). On a natural attack roll of 1 or 2, the weapon breaks and becomes useless. The player is encouraged to describe whatever weird abomination they can imagine (sticks studded with rusty nails, gauntlets with broken glassed glued to the knuckles, a club with a dog’s sharpened rib cage tied to it, etc).

Beast of Burden: The dwarf’s Strength is considered to be 2 points higher when calculating encumbrance levels. So a dwarf with an 8 Strength may carry 20 points before becoming encumbered (instead of 16) and up to 30 points before becoming severely encumbered (instead of 24).


Character Class: Uff

Standing about 3 feet tall and solidly built, uffs are quarrelsome, rude and – to put it bluntly – bat shit crazy. Their society revels in drinking, fighting, breaking stuff, drinking some more, sleeping it off and then drinking again for breakfast.

Uffs tend to live in remote areas with rolling green hills and lots of sheep. They like to sleep in dirt. Though they much prefer the company of their own kind, they are known to travel far and wide to “experience the cultures of faraway lands,” or a bit more honestly, to find alcohol to drink, people to fight and… things to fuck. Uffs are not discerning.

While some people make fun of uffs for their stature and immature nature, no one would ever do it to their face. Not unless they wanted to lose some teeth and probably a testicle or two. Uffs will fight at the drop of a hat, and love to fight dirty. They’re favourite tactic when fighting foes larger than themselves (which are most foes) is to headbutt or bite them in the groin, then stomp their genitals into oblivion when their victim falls over.

Uffs prefer to live and travel in wooded and rural areas, but they will stomach more urban landscapes if there’s food and fighting to be found. Though they hate most other intelligent creatures, they are very fond of woodland animals (perhaps too fond, if you know what I mean) and will fight to protect them.

Attribute Modifiers: Dexterity +1
Movement Rate: 25’ (5 squares)
Weapons Allowed: Any, except they may not use large-sized weapons, and they must use medium-sized weapons with two hands. They may use short bows but not longbows, pistols but not the arquebus.
Armor Allowed: Any
Skills Allowed at First Level: Calisthenics (STR), Mettle (CON), Acuity (WIS), Skullduggery (DEX), Bush Whacker (WIS), Beast Mastery (WIS), Carnality (CHR)
Skill Bonuses: Bush Whacker +1
“High” Blow: Most races would call this a “low blow” but the crotches of most humanoid races are actually at the uff’s eye level.

Once per combat, the uff may make an unarmed attack directed at the victim’s groin. If he uses a weapon or uses the attack more than once, the target is expecting it and so the uff can’t get this cheap shot in. The uff rolls an attack vs the victim’s Fortitude with a +2 to damage. If the attack is successful, the target is stunned, loses his next turn and immediately falls prone. Against female targets or humanoids without genitalia, this attack does normal damage and does not have any of its stunning effects.

Groin Stomp: Against a prone opponent, an uff may make a double-foot stomp directly to the groin. This attack is considered unarmed and targets the opponent’s Fortitude with a +2 to damage. If the attack is successful, the target is stunned for another turn and cannot stand up on his turn.

The uff may attempt this attack as often as they wish against a prone opponent. Against female targets or humanoids without genitalia, this attack does normal damage and does not have any of its stunning effects.



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